I haven't posted in quite a while, so I guess I'll fill you in on some things. Grammie died. The whole family (except for me) hates Karen's boyfriend. The Pacapelli sisters hate Anne Marie, even though she's really friendly, and great with kids. Puberty and bratty friends have turned Bridgette into a raging beast that draws sustenance  from the souls and blood of children. Dana hates me and apparently my sixty year old great uncle for no reason. My father has dumped Dana about 12 times, the latest dumping because of her clawing him and tearing his shirt off in public, but they'll be back together in no time. Keisha wants me to move back to Illinois, and I would love to be with her all year round, but my father is a drunken drugged up douche bag, and I can't live with him. It pisses me off that Keisha hung out with Allen more than me while I was there, and that he's always over there. I trust her, but she doesn't realize the way Allen looks at her. No one pays attention to me unless I'm doing something wrong. They've told me how smart I am my entire life, but they still treat me like a four year old. They only loved me when they could manipulate me, but I'm not cute anymore. Bridgette is their new favorite, and knows it, and tells me about it every chance she gets. My mother doesn't believe anything I say about the little brat. Keisha acts like I have no self-control, and never realizes when I'm joking. Every time I touch her in public she acts like I'm trying to fuck her brains out, not that I have to worry now that I'm six-hundred miles away. I tread on eggshells to avoid hurting her feelings, but it seems that she could care less about mine. I've been sitting here waiting for her to call for two days, and haven't heard a word. This year is my last chance to get my act together if I want to get into a decent college, but I'm supposed to drop everything to go back to the shit town that no one escapes from, to live with my dead beat dad, six hundred miles from all of my new friends. I love her, and I want to be with her, but I can't give up my entire future. There's no way in hell I'd be able to get passing grades, let alone straight A's, when I'm living in constant fear of what will happen to me or my dad. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I'll probably be back with more later.
                                                                                                          
                                                                                                Fuck off,
                                                                                                           Roland.

I can't wait much longer.

I'm leaving for virginia tomorrow morning. I'm going to miss keisha so much. I honestly don't know how I'm going to deal with the fact that I can't see her anymore. Well, I can't see her for the next couple of months at least. It's going to suck, but at least I'll be able to talk to her online every day, and I'll also be visiting during the holidays. Well, I guess I'm going to go. Sincerely yours,
                                                                                                           Roland.

I don't know why, but I broke down today. I had to choke back the tears halfway through dinner. What kills me is the fact that no one in my family did anything but ask me what was wrong, and then forget that anything happened. I almost burst into tears on the ride home too. I don't know why it happened. My uncle and I were joking around, and all of a sudden I got so depressed. God this sucks. I'm trying not to cry even as I'm writing this. Everything I do, or see, or hear just makes it worse. I don't know what to do. 
                                                           Roland.

I guess I have this journal, becaus I don't have people to vent on. Well, I have people that I could vent on, but they're my friends and I don't want to hurt them. I try to help everyone with their problems, as much as I can at least. I take on the load, and try to give everyone good advice and I try and give emotional support. I think I suck at this, but I haven't had any complaints so far, so I guess I'll still try to help as well as I can. I guess I also have this journal because at heart I'm  a little whiney baby. I guess everyone needs to whine sometimes though.

                                                  Catchy little sign out line,
                                                                                  Roland.

You know what. I've been there for this guy through a lot of stuff. And I think I've earned the right to tell him when he's fucking up. If someone breaks up with you for no good reason, even though they think you're a "good guy", and then they im you on yahoo drunk, and ask you out again, do you think it's a good idea to take them seriously? Especially if they're emotionally unstable, and have drug and alcohol problems! He wants to be the knight in shining armor, and that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. But he's going to get hurt, and I'm going to be the one who's there to pick up the fucking pieces. I tried to hint at how I feel about the situation, but he takes offense, and claims that she's really sincere. Bullshit! She was also sincere when she ripped out his heart, and fucking fed it to him! Another person wants to date him though. This girl would be better for him. She's nicer, and she doesn't do any drugs (well, not that I know of), but she just got out of a bad relationship. She's using him as a fucking rebound! The relationship's going to last three weeks, tops. And then he's going to be depressed, and fucking whiny. I don't want to have to get him through that! It's killing me to see my friends in pieces! Well, I'll let you know how things turn out.
                  The doctor is out,
                                     Roland.

Well, my grandmother has cancer. That pretty much sucks. She's one of the nicest family members I have, and she was the second person to hold me when I was born, and now she has cancer. The doctors sound optimistic, but they're dipshits. They don't know what kind of cancer she has, but they've known that she has cancer for about a month. My grandparents are getting rid of my cats. The cats that are my last remaining pets (besides my new dog zeus, but I hardly get to see him). My great-grandmother died. I'm going to have to go back to virginia, (Which means that I'll have to leave skippy for the whole school year). Which will break both of our hearts. I haven't written anything in months. Two of my friends have had mid-life crises before the age of 18. And I haven't been able to do anything socially in about 2 weeks, because some of my family came in from the east coast, and they guilt me to death if I even think about haveing fun. I miss my friends from virginia, because I'm in illinois, and I miss my friends from illinois because I'm trapped in this fucking house. I can't get on any sleeping schedual, be it nocturnal or normal. I'm pissing and moaning to an online journal that I doubt anyone reads. So basically my life is a bowl of cherries.


Well, maybe shit covered cherries.



                                              Until my next pissy teenage rant,
                                                                                              Roland.

I guess it's been a while since the last time I posted. It's been pretty hectic around here recently, but I guess I'll try to catch you up on things. School's out, and I couldn't be happier. It is kinda' sad that I won't be able to see most of my friends from Virginia, but I still have my Illinois friends. I'm in Illinois right now. I got in yesterday. Bill Gates owns a little more of my soul now, because I bought a 360. It's $400 of gaming intensity. Oblivion is probably the best rpg I've ever played. Hmm....I've started to use myspace. I'm done for now, but I'll probably add to my update later when I'm feeling more peppy.

                                                                            Tomorrow comes a day to late,

                                                                                                     Roland of eld.

School is coming to an end, and I really need to start working hard. I do this every year. I hardly do any work until the last quarter of the year, at which time I work my ass of to make the grade. It's really tiring, but it works so..meh. I need to stop that if I want to get into purdue though. It's probably not much help that I'm not in any extra-curricular activities. *sigh* I'm starting to get tired of the whole worrying about school thing. I mean I'm not trying to brag, but I am smarter than a lot of the kids on honor roll, but I just don't try hard enough. I have to read lord of the flies this weekend. I am taking a test on it, but it is spread out over two class periods, so I get to read the book, then redo the first part of the test, and finish it up. I also need a girlfriend. I know to many girls to not have a girlfriend. I guess that would give me even less time for school, but it would probably be worth it. I'm kinda bored with typing in this journal.

Champaign wishes, and caviar dreams,

Roland of eld.

I'm sitting in first period with anthony. He sucks. I'm supposed to be working on our project, but Mrs. Montijo is really dumb. Not much has been happening lately. I've made some new friends, and I went to the movies this weekend. I saw "Stay Alive". It was pretty cool. I'm really freakin bored right now, so I think I'll just post again later. Bye for now.